Real World: RRB 4.4-B

Overheard:

"I can barely handle sandwiches."

Oh, Erica:

You know how when you get to know people well, they stop being polite and start getting real? Or, at least, quirky? Yeah. I was expressing to a group of co-workers that I didn't like eating chicken wings,* because it necessarily entails putting bones and tendons and other really gross stuff in your mouth and chewing on it, with very little result. Really, I'm gagging just typing about it.

Nothing has polarized people I categorize in large part as "normal eaters" than chicken on the bone. Now-former-coworker Erica chimed in, and backed me up. She doesn't like eating meat on the bone either. But then she jumped. She revealed that, more uniquely, she doesn't like "eating things bigger than your mouth, you know?" Sure. She doesn't like biting. We've all got our quirks.

* It was in context, I swear.

Wait, what did I Overhear?

Overheard:

"Hey, have you watched that CNN special on memory yet?"

"No, I keep forgetting."

Why, Tivo, WHY???:

Usually Tivo and I get along, but I guess I thought I'd finish watching the Paging Dr. Gupta Prime Time Special before Tivo naturally decided it was time for me to move on. But I didn't. Luckily, a slightly-more-difficult-search-than-it-should-have-been through CNN's transcripts revealed a text version. I haven't read it yet though. But now I have an easy link to it, so hopefully it will happen soon. Someone remind me.

Pocket full of ... white chocolate... (ew, gooey!)

Overheard:

"It's like someone told Superman, "Hey! There's this red kryptonite that makes you stronger!"

Who and What:

Alex, to me and my officemate, on WHITE chocolate. Which, we've all been informed, is not *actually* chocolate, it's just sugar. Alex is allergic to cocoa. Poor guy. But the recent surge in white-chocolate-coated stuff all but nullifies the allergy. Studies of Hershey's website* reveal that White KitKats and White Reese's PB Cups are here to stay. White Hershey Bars with Almonds are limited edition, but it looks like the white chocolate craze may not be as short-lived as Hawaiian Punch's Rainbow-of-Punch attempt.**

* The yummiest study of all times.

** Um, whoops, that's apparently still a craze, somewhere. Click through that link, and look past the creepiness, to "Product Info," "Product Line." I have no idea where they sell six colors of Hawaiian Punch, both in 20-oz bottles and 2-liter bottles, but it's not where I live. Who needs six colors of Hawaiian Punch?? Thinking about it, they are probably sold at Indiana Wal-Marts, officially the last place in the world I can locate my hair mousse, Salon Selectives "Get in Shape."

Seriously, take it down a notch.

Overheard:

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
OOOWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwww-
wwwwwwwwww!"

Who:

A tourist to Our Nation's Capital. I will now introduce the word "Touron" to Overheard.* A Touron is a cross between a Tourist and a Moron. Maybe a Tourist has never been to DC before, but a Touron (a) has never seen a map before, (b) has never crossed a street before, (c) has never eaten in a food court before, (d) has never ridden on any form of public transportation before, and (e) finds the need to wear a fanny pack.**

You may note by now that my walk to work usually takes me in front of the White House.*** Pennsylvania Avenue between 15th and 17th Streets, NW, was re-opened in November of 2004 for pedestrians only, for the first time since the Oklahoma City bombings, when suddenly it hit everyone that important buildings accessible to the masses might not be the best idea.

In any case, the New Pennsylvania Avenue is built with some safegaurds, and has "retractable bollards" to stop cars from driving through. When a secure vehicle approaches, however, such as a Secret Service or Federal Protective Service SUV, the bollards lower into the ground and raise again after the vehicle has cleared through. The bollards are approximately three feet high and 8-12 inches in diameter.

On this occasion, a Touron stood and watched as the bollards lowered, two FPS SUVs passed through, and the bollards resurfaced. She filmed the entire thing on a digital video recorder. When the most significant event in the Touron's life had been completed, she turned, and to no one in particular, exclaimed the above. Perhaps not the best "Overheard" because I may not be able to portray exactly her level exctitement, or the ridiculousness of the entire situation.

Maybe I've been in DC too long, but I know that some things are genuinely exciting. Two SUVs -- carrying only one driver and no passengers in each, with no particularly notable add-ons such as large antennas, strobes, or even unique license plates -- just don't do it for me. Cheers to the Touron though. Hope you bought some great stuff.

* I give credit for my introduction to this term to Pam, of Pool Guppy fame, infra.

** I know you may be away from your hotel for an entire day, but really, how does a fanny pack help this situation?

*** I feel as if the First Duck left too soon. I miss you, baby. And I bet you miss the publicity, living somewhere in Upper Northwest, just a duck among ducks.

Let the children learn

Overheard:

"I'm telling you, I'm going to take those cameras AWAY!"

Who:

Chaperone for an Eighth-Grade Field Trip (EGFT) to Our Nation's Capital. With such words I have confidence that she effectively squashed any interest the 13-year old guys she was yelling at had in history, politics, fun, and the interaction of those three.

Commentary:

You know, it's hard enough to get a 13-year old guy interested in anything of substance.* On my walk home from work this day through Lafayette Square in front of the White House, I happened upon an EGFT.** Four such above-referenced guys were quickly taking pictures of each other in front of a large statue that's directly in front of the White House, trying to stay in line with their class while taking the pictures. I could see them looking back on those pictures in 10 years and laughing at how silly they were being, and how hot and muggy that damn trip was, but remembering maybe one or two fun details from each scene.*** The Chaperone, however, would have NONE of that. There would ONLY be group pictures, in front of pre-selected monuments and sights. I told the boys in a stern voice that there would be NO fun on this trip. They rolled their eyes with me and slumped off.

I hope they took as many pictures as they wanted. Their Chaperone had it really, really good if that's the biggest thing she had to worry about.


* Not that they grow up that quickly after that.

** It had been a full 15 steps since I happened upon the last EGFT, so timing was about right.

*** When I meet someone new and tell them I live in DC, they usually perk up and say they've been there... but not in a long time. I suggest, perhaps, that the lsat time was an EGFT. It is, by and large, always true.

Buffy the Pool Guppy

Overheard:

"Are you a Summer Associate?"

"How could you tell?? I'm that bad at pool??"

Response in my head:

No Sweetie, you look young, impressionable, and misdirected.

Circumstances:

I was recently at Buffalo Billiards for Happy Hour with former co-workers (also government lawyers). The large, stereotypical group next to us was a gaggle of young law firm attorneys and their proteges, making the best of their open tab AND open appetizer bar AND open pool at prime BB hours.*

I WISH I would have overheard someone say "Hey, why are all the guys dressed like lawyers and the girls dressed in jeans and/or** as skanks?" But, we all restrained ourselves. Instead, my friend Pam reached out to a young (if misdirected) girl who we affectionately*** referred to as Buffy, and asked if she was a Summer Associate. Because, she REEKED of Summer Associate****. And, she looked a bit like Sarah Michelle Gellar.

She responded with the above Overheard gem. I don't even know what she was thinking. Are lawyers inherently good at pool? Not in my experience. It's kinda cute that maybe she thought that other than a bad pool shot, she looked like a law firm lawyer -- in her jeans, t-shirt, flip flops, and really really really big smile.



* I sincerely hope our Intern is finding that though he does not have the same amenities this summer with our governemnt office, that... oh never mind. ACE.

** A quasi-grammatical construction that I hate, "and/or" oddly seems appropriate here.

*** Behind her back.

**** It just occured to me know that maybe not all 4 of my readers know what a Summer Associate is. A Summer Associate is a variation on a law student, where for 10 weeks that person is paid approximately $2500/week, for doing basic paralegal research and eating a LOT. I took my turn as a Summer Associate, and on one (magical, magical) day, I spent 7 hours at restaurants, 1.5 hours walking off my discomfort in between restaurants and shopping for a dress with the Summer Associate Coordinator, and 2.5 hours billing. It was, as I stated, magical. And, obnoxious.