Happy Heart Day!

Overheard:

"Oh my God, I have this butcher knife in my pocketbook."

Who:

Someone I'm happy to report that I don't know.

Where:

Not really overheard; I read it in a news article.

I don't know about you, but I'm always interested in what our buddies at TSA find, and more importantly, don't find in carry-on luggage. All joking aside, I am not sure which part of this story I find the most disturbing.*

It's safe to say that I have never had a date--even a blind date--quite that questionable. Here's to hoping you never have either. Happy Valentine's Day!

* I used to have a link here to CNN's story about some girl carrying a butcher knife through security at a domestic airport. And, as I've learned, apparently some stories aren't newsworthy forever, and the link no longer worked. Here's to hoping that one. of. these. sticks. [ed. 4 july 05]

CBP: Miami

Overheard:

"Ok, call CBP and meet me at the pier."

What I thought I heard:

"YOU call CBP, I'LL meet you there." *

Who:

David Caruso's Horatio Caine, in a recent CSI: Miami, "One Night Stand."

Follow-Up:

I thought life was good enough when Charmed introduced a DHS character

(Overheard:
"I'm from the Department of Homeland Security."
"Oh yeah? Which agency?"
"The classified one."
AWESOME**)

but life just got a little better. Not only did CSI: Miami invoke the help of CBP at the Port of Miami and use gamma ray technology to uncover counterfeit cash, but they used our whole name, and correct acronym, and CBP uniforms.*** They did show a bizarre Customs seal which was incorrect in two respects: (1) we don't have our own seal, and (2) if we did have one, it wouldn't look like this, but I'll take what I can get.

Only the technology, not CBP itself, made the summary on CSI: Miami's episode recap, but I guess you can't ask for too much.

The line only could have been improved upon if Horatio looked pensively into the distance and put his sunglasses on while giving CBP the shout-out.

* I kind of like what I thought I heard better. It's much more dramatic, and gets the same point across.
** Kyle the covert "DHS Agent" ended up just being after the Avatars, which he mistakenly believed to have killed his parents. Though Customs was involved when Kyle's parents unknowingly imported the Avatar Vanquishing Potion, it wasn't very official-like. I think the Customs guys were in khakis.

*** Accessories are very important.

You Deserve... Somethin' Today

Overheard:

"I practically have to do an autopsy to decide!
So I'm at McDonald's..."*

Who:

Disturbing man in disturbing radio commerical, for McDonald's.

For the love of everything holy, WHY??? :

You'd have to ask the McDonald's ad team, because I'm stumped. The speaker can't decide whether he wants Chicken Select Strips or the traditional Chicken Nuggets. His heart wants one and his brain wants the other, and I'm not sure it matters which wants which. Apparently images of dead bodies and dissection of internal organs may help him decide between purported white meat, and mystery dark-ish meat. Good luck to him, because I've already made my decision!

* It's possible this isn't verbatim.

For never was there a tale of more woe...

Overheard:

"From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife."

Who:

Will Shakespeare, himself.

Where:

Folger Shakespeare Theatre, Romeo and Juliet, 30.1.05. The stage was set in the Elizabethan Theatre--I was pleasantly surprised at the "three-tiered wooden balconies, carved oak columns, and half-timbered façade." It was built to "evoke the courtyard of an English Renaissance inn... [which i]n Shakespeare’s day ... served as playhouses for traveling groups of players, who performed on a raised platform at one end while spectators gathered in the yard and on the balconies above." I thought the stage added depth to the production, and provided a warmer, more personal atmosphere to the play.* Plus, there is a catwalk along the balcony, and players had a fight scene in front of us!

Stuff:

The production was directed by P.J. Paparelli, who wrote about his focus in an open letter published in the program. He recently did some work with Columbine survivors, and when he returned to Shakespeare, it struck him that Romeo & Juliet is a story about teens, and how they deal with the adults around them. To that effect, I noticed that only the adults in the production used British accents, while the "kids" -- Romeo, Juliet, and their respective family gangs -- spoke with no accent. It separated them from the stuffy adults trying to marry off their pre-adolescent heirs.**

And then I noticed today that, as it turns out perhaps Romeo and Juliet scientifically could not stifle their reckless passions.*** ****

* But bring a seat cushion if you're in the balcony, or at least a puffy coat, like the sleeping bag I've been sporting this winter.
** I'm sure there was a ton of other symbollic stuff I didn't catch.
*** The linked article[s] also may explain my college career. And law school, for that matter.
**** I don't want to have to make my posts longer and include entire articles, but if news sites keep taking down links and making you pay for content, that's what will happen, I suppose [ed. 4 july 2005]